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Enduring Design

Springtime Melancholy in Stutterheim

06.30.2019

When it rains, the world takes a long exhale. Mother Nature sighs, wilts, lets her feelings run wild. She sometimes falls sideways, whimsical and adventurous. Other days she’s trickling slow, taking her sweet time to ponder the seasons and flow with the wind. The north shore is a treasure trove of magical forests, competing with Lake Superior for attention, yet wholly content by their inland home. Cradled by cedars and pines, I was prancing within a magical nook of forest: a mossy heaven of wiry trees that longed for interaction. They longed to be felt, seen, known, leaned on. The scent of petrichor was strong. The chilled rain embraced the needles and my fingertips, leaving them cupping heat from my breath and nestling in the warm pockets of my beloved raincoat.

When was the last time you embraced melancholy? I like to think of the word as pensive, woeful, gloomy in the highest sense. It’s a feeling that stimulates creativity, playfulness, an extra-sensory awareness of your surroundings. A fuel for discovery. Take Stutterheim founder, Alexander Stutterheim. On the Swedish island of Arholma, he unearthed his recently passed grandfather’s old raincoat. An artifact of a loved one. A timeless piece imbued with meaning, one to embrace. It was this heavy, functional article of clothing that inspired his first creation, and continues to weave into the designs we know today. It was a feeling of melancholy, of the loss of a loved one yet the discovery of a treasure, that fueled the company’s handmade creations. When I was nestled in the woods of the north shore, hugged by my Stutterheim, I felt it. A calm, childlike nostalgia, sadness for days past but gratitude for the moment. It was a dreary springtime playfulness – running from one tree to another, grasping branches, shielding from rain. The canopy of trees consumed me, as if to say, “Yes – go. Climb. Play. Jump. Run – Feel.” [Read more…] about Springtime Melancholy in Stutterheim

Filed Under: Enduring Design, Enduring Lifestyle

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Hi there, I’m Lindsey

I’m Lindsey, a creative copywriter & brand strategist currently based in Bend, Oregon. I’m dedicated to building narratives that capture audiences and support digital entrepreneurs with the architecture to tell their stories honestly and authentically. Here, you’ll find personal tales on living with intention, nuggets of wisdom from my business journey thus far, and tips on creating content that sustains.

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lindmar

Happy birthday, daddy. I’ll always be your peanu Happy birthday, daddy. I’ll always be your peanut. 🕊
I had an aha moment the other day: I believe when I had an aha moment the other day: I believe when we graduate from earth school and reach the next level, we are free of worry, fear, sadness, trauma, guilt, pain & limiting beliefs. we can simply…be. We can live out our soul’s purpose and connect with loved ones without all the excess. My dad was magnetic and most himself on a sailboat in a salty, sandy breeze. I like to think of him as a drop of water that’s now become the whole ocean, home at last. 

One of our final conversations revolved around his legacy. What will you want people to remember about you most? “I want them all to know that I was the guy that did just that - remembered. That cracked jokes and lifted spirits. That asked about their family before work even came up. I never want to lead with what they can do for me. Instead, how can I really see them? How can I let them know they matter?” 

He made everyone in his life see that they already are the entire ocean. He was the lighthouse that carried us home. 🌊
My dad, my rock, my everything. Yesterday, my best My dad, my rock, my everything. Yesterday, my best friend passed peacefully after a long battle with cancer. It feels surreal, to hold this much pain and love at the same time. 

I’m gutted, but peaceful. Shipwrecked, but hanging on. My grip has loosened, knowing he’s with me. My jaw unclenches as I listen to his voice from my recordings in the last two months we spent together. 

I’ve never known this kind of pain before, the one that swallows you whole and threatens your life - everything you thought you knew to be true. But then I remember the only thing that’s actually true:

I’ve experienced enough love for a thousand and one lifetimes in just 28 years on this earth, because of him. My buddy, my guy. I’m the luckiest.
I received a compliment recently from a kind stran I received a compliment recently from a kind stranger about my writing. Something that I scribbled and shared 2+ years ago, in a completely different place in my journey. Reading it back, I remembered every detail that sent me into a frenzy to write it. Like a surge of creative energy was resurrected. Producing art feels like time travel sometimes. You get to jump back to your younger self, a memory, a moment, pure flow bliss state. Yet, most of what springs forth is a deep Knowing from the same wise soul that helped you move it along. A mystery force. A feeling of not being able to claim it, because you’re just the vessel. 

After reading about this stranger’s story and how much my string of words meant to him, I was reminded: we often forget about the impact we have on others. How needed we are. The feeling of another soul seeing mine? Like the first sip of coffee on a deep indigo morning: pure comfort and ease. When we share something, we invite everything. What an expansive gift we all have, to be seen and known for our hearts. To let our art be felt, no matter if it receives a simple “thank you” or a profound “this quite possibly opened my eyes to the world.” Let others remind you of your brilliance. They’re a vessel, too.
when i was in middle school, my first “real” b when i was in middle school, my first “real” boyfriend and I exchanged a blank sketchbook. we would take turns drawing funky shapes of inspiration, writing love notes in the margins and letting colors whirl outside the lines. my first entry was lyrics to this song - with shoddy scribbles of a tambourine and music notes floating from clouds. it was the first time i felt my old soul roots come forth, a connection to color and creativity flowing without bounds, without perfection. music and art and poem writing in that beat up sketchbook was my first invitation to presence & truth. bob dylan’s lyrics will always remind me of my awakening, curled up with colored pencils, coming home. where my love of music connected to my love of expression for the first time. that book of art lives on in my daily commitment to creation. no matter how messy our scribbles or rusty our tambourines, creating ~just for the heck of it~ is medicine. #andgoodmusic 💫
here are some random thoughts: i was talking with here are some random thoughts: i was talking with a good friend today who was depressed and anxious, processing feelings of low self-worth & people that consistently make him feel small. we got into ego vs. truth, about how hard it is to distinguish when we’re deciding who gets access to our precious energy. do we attract people out of ego? of who our past selves thought would fill a void? yes - we all want to feel loved. but at what expense? our soul fire? 

i once had a geography professor known for a signature phrase: “the only constant is change.” ⁣sure, he was talking about towns & landscapes. but just as the tides turn and leaves fall, just as storefronts shift to fit their tenants and sunsets fade to rising, so we are meant to shed old skins. we are meant to transform. to shatter ego. to take up space! people that make you feel small are ~not your people~ ‼️ ⁣
⁣
the right ones will move out of the way to let you stretch and shape-shift, cocoon and feel. why? because they’ll get something out of it, too. permission to be ALIVE. to love BIG & be fully present to their gifts and yours. ⁣
⁣
when we outgrow those people & things that no longer serve us, we create space for what does. the right ones will be up in the scaffolding, dusting off the spotlight and screwing new bulbs in. they’ll help you to see yourself how they see you: whole & worthy just as you are. those who dim your light have yet to see their own.
I’m dwelling on a memory I wrote in this writing I’m dwelling on a memory I wrote in this writing cabin two seasons ago. I’d been reflecting on my time in the southwest, when I went to read by the water and forgot my headphones. I saw an older woman with tanned skin like leather and a slight hunch sitting on the edge of the pool, swirling her toes in the water. A swimmer turned from her laps and exclaimed to the woman, “such a gorgeous day!” They locked eyes as the older woman nodded her head and spoke with a heavy accent. The swimmer turned and exclaimed back in German, high-pitched and eager. Soon enough, she hopped out of the pool and shared stories in her native tongue with this total stranger for the entire duration of my stay. ⁣
⁣
Their smiles, body language, hugs and laughter felt like a coming home, like siblings who notice one another across the room after years apart. It was all so quietly pure, yet felt like God shouting, loud and clear: without loving for the sake of it, there would be no room for connection. 
⁣⁣
I’m thinking about what life felt like in this cabin two winters ago, and what it feels like right now. Clueless of what any of it means or what it’s going to be used for. But I remember this moment on the side of the pool in Arizona. This lesson of spreading joy for the heck of it, and receiving more than we could ever imagine. As I reflect on this time - this urge to rush and make sense of it all - I’m worried about an entire year of lost connections, lost serendipity. And then I remember: love knows no bounds. Soft eyes alone are a light that shine through isolation and surrender us to love. We will get back there - bright and new and with kinder eyes.
Ya know what’s neat? Some seasons we’re struck Ya know what’s neat? Some seasons we’re struck with introspection. Inward tuning, expanding, nurturing. Others are quick and steady and explode with intensity. Our minds can’t seem to grasp the action-packed momentum. Our intuition is on fire and we feel a call to shift; to explore, to grow, to manifest anew. This ebb and flow is my favorite part of this life, I think. The calls and shifts, the waves and releases. The learning about ourselves - our needs & shadows and bone-deep knowings.

This time last year, I was in a rickety thrift store in Montana, trading an old hat for a pair of vintage hiking boots. This time last year marks my move to the west coast. The days when I stuffed my car with books & belongings and ventured alone into the alpenglow. Fully in my element. The freedom and expansion was intense, palpable. So was my capacity for wild. My need for color. My hope for slow, steady progress on my *own* terms. Not to prove anything, nor to set expectations. Only to make moves. To get after it. 

Sometimes, we‘ve got to remind ourselves of our capacity for big things to refuel for present ascents. It’s all too easy to get swept up in the mundane and forget what we’re all about and here to do. Simmer in this - but only for a little while. Only enough to let the flavors of your past and present combine into a brand new concoction. I’m channeling the energy from lil’ ole me a year ago, all month long. Taking on new projects that challenge me. Giving space to what grows me. Doing things like a newbie again; remembering what it was like to see it all through a technicolor lens.
i am alone on a run in the neighborhood. i see a y i am alone on a run in the neighborhood. i see a young dad showing his daughter how to ride a bike. i see kids swinging on sets through weathered fences and boys walking their dogs. i see mothers pushing their kin in tiny trucks up the driveway, carefree and ever-present. i hear families shouting inside their homes, video games glowing up the dark, empty computer chairs & mini waterfalls in front yards. pandemic scenes of surrender. love. wonder. summer. sweet heavy warm air descending on my panicked steps that grow quicker and lighter with each exhale.
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what makes us live the way we do? at what point does comfort overtake curiosity? how do we know if we’re meant for a white-picket life? what if we never were? how do we know if what we do with our precious, privileged hours is enough?
⁣
i’m beginning to learn that certain questions were never meant for answers. some of us follow the only paths modeled to us. others of us whittle together tools out of sticks & thumbtacks and bushwhack our own. 
⁣
maybe it’s mostly timing. the hope in surrender. the impacts we have on others in the small moments. perhaps we don’t know until we know. until we’re laughing so hard, feeling so weightless and filled with light beams that we could heal the whole world. from grace and gumption in the wreckage, we emerge. when we’re open and honest, we fly.
⁣
i am amazed by it all, all of the time. by what flows out when we honor ourselves and our capacity to live - however we desire. by what flows in when we choose love, whimsy, hair-tossing, life-giving freedom. ⚡️
⁣
📸: @helloclarasheehan
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